- Emotions are a muscle that can be grown. You can practice and grow any time you want.
- When strong emotions are triggered, either positive or negative, our brain creates a blindness to all other things so we can focus on the joy or the risk. It’s an automatic, physiological response which creates blindness on purpose. Literally, the sides of your sight are pulled in so you can focus on the enemy of the moment. When someone’s angry at you and behaving badly realize that they don’t see the impact of his or her response. It is powerful when receiving this behavior to be able to reframe, disengage and remember they are blind to their choices at that moment.
- There are many lists of capacities for emotional intelligence. I believe that the most value is to focus on Self Awareness: NOTICE and Self-Regulation: CHOOSE. Practice noticing when your mood has started to change, then choose what you’ll do about it. Growing a go-to list of interventions (regulation) is as important as having Kleenex in your pocket during flu season. Here’s one to try today when you feel your mood beginning to change:
Sit in a chair comfortably and take a few deep relaxing breaths in and out slowly
Notice 5 things that you can see around you
Hear 5 things abound you
Notice 5 feelings in your body
There are many different flavors of EQ assessments. I personally use and recommend the simplicity of Trimetrix EQ (Target Training International). This is a three-science assessment composed of DISC, Workplace Motivators (also called Driving Forces) and Emotional Intelligence. The DISC component helps you notice emotions in two ways:
- Your behavioral strengths can be overused which causes stress. Your behavioral blind spots can become frustrating when you have to do things that don’t come easily to you.
- Your adapted behavior (who you are pretending to be) can drive intense stress when it’s significantly different than your natural style. Noticing helps begin the process of self-regulation.
The Workplace Motivators are the deep, stable part of yourself. These define the cultural values you live your life by, the friends you choose and the people you dislike. These identify triggers that reinforce the frustration you succumb to over and over. You’ll notice the pattern through self-awareness.
Finally, the emotional intelligence part of the assessment scores you on five capacities:
The scores are irrelevant; each of these can be grown with intention any time you want. We have seen that high EQ scores often come from people who have survived difficult times and low EQ scores often come from people who have lead a more charmed life so far.
Following the scores, each capacity will have its own page of projects to exercise your emotions. Finally, all three are integrated in a narrative describing you.
If you’d like to purchase a Trimetrix EQ profile and a one hour 1-on-1 debrief, please email us for pricing firstname.lastname@example.org and check out our bundles.